Although there's been some speculation about my sexual orientation (hey, sometimes guys really suck...ok, often), I'm pretty sure picking up a mix CD with a very large vagina on the front and not noticing for days is indicative that I have little interest in other women's bits and/or Vagina Blindness. I was also distracted by the headline, "Don't be a Pussy! Get Fucked!"
Grabbed this awesome mix at a Summer Jam swap party and finally put it on while enjoying a game of Scrabble with my boyfriend. How awkward was it when the song "Cigarette Duet" by Princess Chelsea came on? Pretty darn awkward, as it encapsulates the feelings of both parties in an average smoker, non-smoker relationship. If your partner isn't the best at communicating how they feel about your smoking habit, or you need help expressing your feelings about it, give it a listen and be prepared to feel uncomfortably exposed.
When I started seeing my former GOM and now boyfriend (see previous post for GOM definition), I decided it was time to really cut back on my cig-a-day habit. I wanted to avoid having my issue become personal for him in case things went somewhere, and I wanted to make sure that while I was avoiding smoking in his presence, I wasn't secretly resentful that he was keeping me from enjoying a relaxing puff.
I was doing really well with cutting back, barely feeling like having a smoke even in social smoking situations. One camping weekend of chain smoking later, my body is convinced that I should be lighting up whenever someone else does. I was proud of myself for exercising some degree of control; now I'm having to fight the urge to smoke in front of him in groups where others are smoking. He knows that I smoke when he's not around...but when he is, it definitely feels like cheating to both of us. Illogical though it may be, the non-smoker is often left feeling like you're choosing between them and some disgusting, expensive, unattractive habit.
If you're hiding it, if you're showering afterwards, if you're deleting photos off Facebook, if you're sneaking off at parties to grab an illicit smoke, there's no denying it; you're cheating. There is little difference between this secret or ashamed smoking behaviour and jumping into bed with someone who isn't your partner. For Sex and The City fans, you'll note that the writers equated the two when Carrie Bradshaw was both smoking and fucking her ex behind Aidan's back.
Recognizing you have a problem is the first step; now you need to decide what you're going to do about it. You can ask your partner to accept you and your bad habits. You can quit or cut back. Better yet, you can lie to yourself and work out some sort of an agreement where you don't smoke when they're around and hinder your ability to really be comfortable and totally yourself.
Whatever you choose, don't let it percolate. You want this non-smoker in your life? Do what it takes to show your GOM or partner that you want them. Non-smokers, you may have been a smoker at one point; please be compassionate and think about how you don't like getting nagged about how your hair is in the drain, you throw your dirty clothes on the floor, you leave the seat up, you eat tuna out of the can, or you spend money like it's going out of style. A raging orgasm is better than a cigarette any day, and although it's more socially acceptable behaviour to have a cigarette on your break than a good pounding, it may not be like that for long.